Jolly Little Drunkard
by Cygna Vamp
Summary: An alternate ending to Yummy Honney's Belle of a Meal


This is what YummyHonney wrote:

'_What a beautiful day to take a stroll on country side' Belle thought _

_to herself. She walked along the ever-peaceful scenery as she surveyed _

_the French countryside. The grass was a lush green from the _

_spring-summer season, the pond calm, void of ripples. Indeed today was a _

_gorgeous day. She was in her Sunday dress, which was of course was a _

_blue dress with white sleeves, an apron across the lower half of her _

_dress, and blue bow to maintain her ponytail. She decided to take a seat _

_next to the pond and stare into the wonderful combination of orange and _

_pink clouds being caused by the suns rapid decent toward the horizon. _

_Indeed this day would be a special day._

_Kaa was once again in a cranky mood. But that was to be expected of _

_course. 'A change of scenery' he thought to himself. Kaa had to bare the _

_fact that the Forests of France were quite different then the think _

_jungles he was accustomed to. Trees here were far more difficult to _

_climb, but not impossible. Kaa shivered as the thought of the events _

_that lead to the change of scenery. About 4 months ago, Kaa had finally _

_achieved one of his many goals in life. He consumed Mowgli, the man cub, _

_and quite a meal he was. It was the first time he had a human, and a _

_delicious human he was. However, two weeks later, the villagers from the _

_man village captured him in one of their primitive traps. The villagers _

_planed to kill Kaa, however, French traders whom originally come to the _

_village for gems also made the purchase of snake for what ever reason _

_Kaa never caught. Once in France, Kaa made his escape and had been _

_hiding in the forest ever since. However, the animals here were not _

_quite as tasty as those in the jungle. He longed for a real meal. As Kaa _

_slithered toward a warm cram near a pond, he saw what appeared to be a _

_women sitting by the water body. Kaa licked his lips in anticipation, _

_this was going to be a special day indeed. _

_Belle was lying down resting her head on her two hands, simply _

_looking into the sky. A portrait of different shades of pink and orange, _

_truly a sight to remember. Then however, she felt something rub across _

_her leg, something that felt almost, slippery. Before Belle could react, _

_what ever this thing was, was now under her, above her, it was around _

_her. With in seconds, she was completely constricted. She finally gained _

_view to what it was that held her so tightly. "A Snake!" she screamed. _

_"Very good, a Sssnake indeed..." the creature replied. "You can talk?" _

_Belle inquired. "Why of courssse my dear, call me Kaa." Though her body _

_was constricted, it was allowing her to breath at a fairly normal rate. _

_Then her body rose into the air still under the snake's control. It took _

_her a few seconds to process that the snake was actually raising her to _

_a tree no more then half a meter away. This snake clearly possessed _

_incredible strength. "HELP, AIDER MOI!" The snake then positioned her _

_body over a rather thick branch on the tree. "Come my dear, their isss _

_no one here to votre aidez." The snake then chuckled. "I have been _

_practicing the French, I hope you enjoy it asss much asss I will enjoy _

_you." _

Here's what SHOULD have happened afterwards:

Belle couldn't believe it. All she wanted to do was find a nice, quiet place to watch the sunset and read her new book when this horrible serpant attacked her. The book. That's it! Belle still had the book in her apron pocket. If only she could reach it.

Kaa seemed to be in no hurry. If anything, he wanted to taunt her. "I've

alwaysss enjoyed the feet the most, ssso I shall sssave that for lassst."

Belle managed to take the book from her pocket. "Let me go!" she demanded, slapping the snake across his face. Kaa loosened his constriction in shock. His prey was fighting back! "Let go of me, you horrible monster!" Belle shouted as she repeatedly struck Kaa over the head with her book. Kaa winced from the blows that rained on his tiny cranium, eventually leading to him falling unconscous. Once the reptile was lying on the ground in coils, Belle ran away, calling "Papa! Papa!"

Some hours later, Kaa came around. He was dizzy and his prey had escaped. For a female, she certainly was strong! Kaa slithered towards the village, hoping to find easier prey.

"Frere Jacques! Frere Jacques!" Lefou swung his beer mug around and sang loudly and lustily, if off key. "Dormez vous? Dormez vous?"

"Lefou, you're embarrassing me." Gaston growled to his toady.

"Embarashing?" Lefou slurred. "Aw, I'm jusht havin' a liddle fun, Gaston!" Lefou hiccupped. "C'mon, shing wit me!" Lefou put an arm around him. "Ding dang dong! Ding dang dong! Aww...I love you, man!"

"Cut it out, Lefou." Gaston demanded, brushing aside the smaller man's arms.

"I mean it, Gaston! I love you!"

"Lefou, you're drunk. Leave." It was one thing to have a hanger-on extoll your praises. It was another to have a man fawn over you the way a woman was meant to.

"I don't wanna leave you, Gaston!" Lefou whined, clinging to Gaston's bulging bicep. "I mean it! I love you! Fergeddabou' that mousy Belle chick (hic) take me, cherie!"

Lefou suddenly found himself flying out the swinging doors of the tavern. He landed in the town fountain. "Aw, who needshya anywaysh?" Lefou slurred as he staggered to his feet. He slipped back into the water and decided he might as well take off his shoes and stockings. Lefou began to playfully kick at the water in the fountain and began to sing at the top of his voice. "Alllll...ouette, gentille alouette, alouette je te plumerai...."

Kaa followed the sound of splashing. He spied a short, plump human frollicking in the water. Lefou, feeling flushed from the alcohol's effects, decided to strip off the rest of his clothing. Kaa grinned. No tasteless cloth getting in his way. The foolish human was clearly intoxicated. True, this would cause Kaa to be mildly intoxicated himself, but it would be worth it.

Lefou sat on the edge of the fountain and gazed up at the night sky. "Je te plumere la tête," he warbled, kicking his legs. "Je te plumere la tête, Et la tête, et la tête, Aloutte, alouette, Ooooooooohhhhhh.....!" Lefou giggled, not noticing the snake slithering at his feet.

Kaa tickled the plump toes with his forked tongue. Delicious! Kaa began to sing a parody of the drunkard's song. "Little drunkard, jolly little drunkard, little drunkard, I will eat your toes!"

Lefou heard the snake at his feet singing. In his alcohol induced haze, it didn't seem too unusual. "You will eat my toes?" he asked Kaa.

"Yes, I will eat your toes." Kaa sang back.

"Eat my toes?"

"Eat your toes!"

"Cuz I'm drunk?"

"Cuz you're drunk!"

"Ooooooooohhhhhhhhh.....!" They both sang as Kaa began swallowing Lefou's toes. "Little drunkard, jolly little drunkard, little drunkard...."

"I will eat your feet!" Kaa declared, not sure how he could sing and eat at the same time.

"Would you really eat my feet?" sang Lefou.

"Yes, I'd like to eat your feet!"

"Eat my feet?"

"Eat your feet!"

"And my toes?"

"And your toes!"

"Cuz I'm drunk?"

"Cuz you're drunk!"

Kaa slithered up, taking the man's short, chubby legs down his gullet as they sang the chorus together. "You just ate my knees!" Lefou suddenly realized. "Hey, did you just eat my knees?" Lefou sang the question.

"Yes, I just ate your knees." Kaa sang as a reply.

"And my feet?"

"And your feet!"

"And my toes?"

"And your toes!"

"Cuz I'm drunk?"

"Cuz you're drunk!"

Kaa slithered higher as Lefou sang the chorus of "Little Drunkard". Lefou's clouded mind was barely aware of the damp moisture that had clamped his legs together. "You just ate my legs!" Lefou sang joyfully. "Hey, did you just eat my legs?"

"Yes I just ate your legs."

"And my knees?"

"And your knees!"

"And my feet?"

"And your feet!"

"And my toes?"

"And your toes!"

"Cuz I'm drunk?"

"Cuz you're drunk!"

"Oooooooooohhhhhhhhhhh......! Little Drunkard, Jolly little drunkard, little drunkard...."

"You just ate my balls!" Lefou was starting to get a tad bit concerned. "Hey, did you just eat my balls?"

"Yes, I just ate your balls."

"And my legs?"

"And your legs!"

"And my knees?"

"And your knees!"

"And my feet?"

"And your feet!"

"And my toes?"

"And your toes!"

"Cuz I'm drunk?"

"Cuz you're drunk!"

Kaa had to unhinge his jaw to take in the human's massive gut. The roly-poly drunkard continued to sing the chorus. "You just ate my gut! Hey, did you just eat my gut?"

"Yes, I just ate your gut."

"And my balls?"

"And your balls!"

"And my legs?"

"And your legs!"

"And my knees?"

"And your knees!"

"And my feet?"

"And your feet!"

"And my toes?"

"And your toes!"

"Cuz I'm drunk?"

"Cuz you're drunk!"

Lefou continued to sing as Kaa stuffed him into his body. The human's plump flesh was succulent on the serpent's sensitive tongue. "You just ate my arms!" sang Lefou. "Hey, did you just eat my arms?"

"Yes, I just ate your arms!" Kaa was growing tired of his singing meal.

"And my gut?"

"And your gut!"

"And my balls?"

"And your balls!"

"And my legs?"

"And your legs!"

"And my knees?"

"And your knees!"

"And my feet?"

"And your feet!"

"And my toes?"

"And your toes!"

"Cuz I'm drunk?"

"Cuz you're drunk!"

Lefou never finished the last chorus. Kaa gulped him down before he could sing another sour note. Kaa hiccuped, his senses reeling from the inebriated man he just injested. Kaa drunkedly slithered into an allyway to sleep it off. The serpent coiled up as best he could with a Lefou-sized lump in his belly and dozed off.


End file.
